Stay... Don't Leave...

In my last post I mentioned I had fallen in love....

Well....

We got hitched.

 The decision to marry him was the best and most terrifying decision I ever made. The day of the wedding I caught a glimpse of him and almost ran out of the Chapel. I felt awful later for wanting to bolt. With this reaction- I discovered it seems to be my back up plan. When things get hard or I'm uncomfortable- I bolt. I try and get out of the situation. Whether it be physically walking away or redirecting the conversation- I leave.

I'm not surprised I'm this way. My biological father was the same way. His reaction was to hightail it out when things got hard. My brother and I saw him off and on for years. We never knew when he was going to pop back into our lives. When he was in our lives we never knew how long he was going to stay. He had a knack for Houdini like appearances and disappearances in my life. 

With my husband I'm sorry to say I am guilty of having those same fears.

 I had a major freak out moment not to long ago. You see this man I met? Not only is he my soulmate but he is now a United States Marine. I am so very incredibly proud of him. Not everyone can become a Marine.

He did it.

He overcame all odds and proved he was worthy of the title. At times while he was out earning his place- I was at home freaking. What if he didn't come back? What if he decided that he could do better? What if he realized I'm more trouble than I'm worth?

Then it hit me. If he wanted to leave he would have already been gone.

He had the chance several times to leave. I know I gave him plenty of reasons to leave. I told him I wouldn't blame him if he left. But he didn't. He is stubborn and chose to stay. Not only did he stay- he showed me I'm worth loving and staying around for.

The thing that makes him different from everyone who walked out?

He loves me the way a Godly man is supposed to love his wife. He tells me he loves me- all the time. Without me prompting him..He chooses to love me and chooses to fight for me. Sometimes literally.

While he has been at Basic he has written some beautiful letters. In a few of them he said he has been praying for me. He even sent a prayer to me he had praying for himself. Knowing he can be going through one of the hardest if not THE hardest boot camp on Earth- and still is making time to talk to God about me? Yeah. That felt amazing. Not going to lie- I cried.

God used this man to show me- I'm worth sticking around for. He used him to show me not everyone is going to leave.

More importantly...

God won't ever leave. He hasn't left me. He won't leave.

So now, I have to work on standing firm and not hightailing it out at the first sign of conflict or hurt. I think I can do it. God has my back. My husband isn't ever leaving me. My family and my Godly friends are walking with me.

So my initial reaction may be to run...

But I'm not going to anymore.

I choose to stay.

Until next time... Remember you don't have to run from your past or your hurts. Stay and and allow God to  make you stronger.