I'm Keeping The Faith...

I just had something not so wonderful happen in my life.

I thought that God had answered a prayer. It looked like he had. Things were falling into place that I had prayed so hard for. I was flying so high and just praising Jesus. I couldn't stop smiling. I was so incredibly happy! In my mind and to the people around me I was saying Yay! It's FINALLY happening.

Then...

It wasn't.

It was snatched away with a few words and a phone call. My heart broke. To others it wouldn't have meant that much.

But to me..

It meant freedom.

I was finally going to have my freedom. Finally! After all the hard work I have put into my life, work and school. It was FINALLY paying off! Someone was recognizing everything that I had done. God was rewarding me! I was positive that things were gonna work out right this time.

Except........ they didn't.

I don't understand why or how. I don't understand how it could be given then taken away. I don't understand God's plan in this situation. I've been praying and asking for help. I know that he is answering my prayers. But it still doesn't make sense.

I'm trying not to be bitter. With God. With others. It is hard.

But...

I'm holding on. I'm keeping the faith. I know that God's plan will shine through in this situation. Through this two passages have been playing in my head- they are all that are keeping me sane.

They are:

Proverbs 3:5 & 6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:30
And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

I am keeping the faith. Even though right now it is hard. Even though I don't understand. Even though I'm hurting.

I am and will trust that God will be bring me through. He has before and I know he will again. He is faithful after all. And I have been faithful to him.

I am keeping the faith.

So remember: When things look dark and are hard- that's when you have to stand and say: "Lord even though it looks bad, I am going to trust in you."

Power of the Holy Spirit

I just came from a youth leader meeting...

We talked about the upcoming events and things that are happening with the youth group. Afterward I went with my future cousin in law and the youth pastor for a mini pow wow.

We got to talking about God & music. Well, they brought up the song Fly sung by Jason Upton. Those of you who have not heard this song- go listen to it. You can hear an actual angel singing in the background. Look up the testimony. If that doesn't give you chills I don't know what will.

I listened to it- not only did I get the chills- but the power of the Holy Spirit struck me. I didn't speak in tongues in this time but I have previously. This time it was different. I was very much aware that I was still on Earth- but I felt as if I was walking unattached. Its a very strange feeling and I wish I could explain it better.

This is just another way that God constantly amazes me. Experiencing the Holy Spirit is better than high you could ever get on any drug. Nothing even comes close to comparison. It empowers you to do what God has called you to do. Many times when the Holy Spirit hits- I feel like I can communicate with God on a higher level. It is a whole new way to experience God- and let me tell ya- man is it powerful.

For those of you who are not familiar with or are scared of the Holy Spirit- don't be. I challenge you to read and study what the Holy Spirit is. Ask someone at your church or find a church and speak to a Pastor or other trusted member to help you out. I'm sure that you will find there are people who are more than happy to help you out. If you can't find anyone I am more than happy to help as much as I can. Just leave me a comment and I'll answer ASAP!

Umtil Next time- don't fear the unknown it can be one of your greatest blessings.

The Reckoning..

Alright ya'all...

I know its been forever and I'm sorry. But to make up for it I'm gonna give you a treat!

Here is the link to get the new NEEDTOBREATHE album 'The Reckoning'. Ya'all should go get it now!

http://flash.atlrec.com/banners/needtobreathe/reckoning/album/ntb_300x250.gif

Leading Tomorrow's Youth

I feel so blessed.

God has called me to be a youth leader at my church, Real Life.

I answered that call quite a few months ago. Ever since the first day I've been completely sure in my calling. There isn't a moment that I doubt.

Why?

The answer to that question is quite simple. I feel so complete and well, just downright happy! I get so excited when I know that I have youth group on Sunday evenings and I know that I fit as a leader there. The relationship that I have with my fellow leaders, the Youth Pastor and his wonderful wife, just confirms it. Also, I have been able to connect with almost every single kid who comes to group. There are maybe two that I haven't cracked yet. (Give it time, they'll crack! haha!)

The idea that God has entrusted me with helping my Youth Pastor and fellow youth leaders with the task of guiding them in His ways, is humbling and so very fulfilling. There's nothing greater than seeing them not only understand the Bible, but develop a hunger for it. And they do have a hunger. The fact that they show up every Sunday evening is proof of that. Though I sometimes wonder if it isn't our carpetball table and wonderful "cafe". (Just kidding!)


It's kind of funny, I was intimidated at first and actually told God He was crazy and wrong. (I don't recommend doing this often or really at all, He is very good at proving you to be the crazy and wrong party.) I had hoped the urging and tug would go away, but it wouldn't. So finally I just gathered up the gumption and talked with the Youth Pastor about getting involved. He invited me to come visit and I did.
That very first visit, I just fit. I clicked with quite a few of the youth right away. The youth seemed to like me too, so it just made sense for me to keep coming back. And I love every minute that I spend with them.

I love it when I have a youth walk up to me with a question about God or just wanting to talk about God. To see the generation that will follow my generation not only hunger after God but have a relationship with Him is reassuring and gives me hope.I am truly blessed to play a role in nurturing and showing them the tools they need to keep developing that relationship for the rest of their (hopefully long) lives.

Until next time, Don't tell God He's crazy... What He has for you may totally and completely blow your mind...

Palmetto Medical Initiative

Hey all!

Watch this video about Palmetto Medical Initiative AKA "PMI". PMI is an organization that provides medical care to the people of Uganda.

Check out the video then go check out the site and see what you can do to help.





www.palmettomedical.org

(and for those of you wondering, yes that is NEEDTOBREATHE's music in the background)

Until next time- pray for the people of Uganda and the missionaries who touch their lives.

You Lift Me Up

I ran across this music video by The Afters on accident.

It is so beautiful and true. We all have moments when we feel so low and like we can't go on. Those are the times when God reaches down with His arms so full of love and lifts up off the ground in His warm and secure embrace.



I challenge to not just listen to the words but hear them. They are so powerful.

Shine On

This video was made by NEEDTOBREATHE.

If ya'all haven't figured it out yet- they are my favorite band.

The lyrics are touching and so is the video. I hope you enjoy!



And don't forget to "Shine On", you never know who you'll catch on fire!

Just Sayin'

For those of you who have run across this blog and don't like it- I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll like my other one better. It's a bit more lighthearted than this one. Hopefully they will both reach a point where they are a mix between lightheartedness and seriousness.

But I'm rambling now... So without further ado here is the link to my other blog: http://tifarah.blogspot.com/

It is entitled Just Sayin'. Hope you like what I'm Just Sayin'!

Jesus Rides the Subway

This isn't a regular post.

I just wanted to share this video with you. I had the opportunity to see Third Day in person at Agape Fest in Greenville, Illinois. Third Day had a friend, Trevor Morgan touring with them. He wrote and performed this song. I highly suggest you listen to it. It will change your view on the people who surround you day after day.




Until next time- Don't forget that Jesus may very well be riding the subway with you..

A Life of Service..

I've been inspired.

What have I been inspired to do?

I've been inspired to live my life by serving others.

Now when I say serving others, I'm talking I'm not talking just run of the mill volunteer a couple of hours kinda thing. I'm talking about making my whole life a living sacrifice to others. When I say others, I mean all of God's people.

I want to die to myself and my selfish desires. 'Cause really, when I look back at my life and the plans I made for myself, I always ended up heartbroken.

Now I wanna be heartbroken for God's people. God's people includes everyone. Yes, even that person on the bus next to you that smells funny. And really you never know that person could be an Angel or even Jesus in disguise. Hebrews 13:2 says: "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." (NIV)

I don't want to ever miss an opportunity to tell someone about God or to show them His love. Basically- I wanna live my life like Jesus. I want to be friends with the people no one wants to be friends with. I want to listen to those who are hurt and shunned because they are different. (I was that kid pretty much all my life- I know the pain they feel.) I figure if our example (Jesus) did these things then Hey I should too.

You know the coolest thing? I believe this is what God has called me to do. Already, I have been able to serve others and touch their lives by showing them His love. I've yet to experience a high that could ever take the place of the high I feel when I know God has worked through me. And.. I haven't ever been happier. I still have experienced some trials- but I know that in the end everything will work out according to God's plan- even if it doesn't look like it now.

So I make a vow now. I promise to always look for an opportunity to love on someone who is hurting. I promise to jump at every opportunity that presents itself for me to serve with humility and abandon. I promise to live my life in a way that gives God glory. I promise to continually die to myself and follow God wherever and to whomever he leads. I promise to live a life inspired and with meaning.

So until next time- remember that God loves you and if you are hurting God is waiting for you with open arms...

Feeling Good...

So as you can tell from the title of this post- I'm feeling good.

Which is obviously a good thing.

The reason for this new found "good" feeling??

God answered a few of my prayers. Its always a wonderful feeling when God answers prayers. Not necessarily for the prayer that he answered- but more so the fact that he loves me enough to want to answer them. I feel a bit humbled and awed.

I mean like the song, Who am I that he is thinking of me? ME?? I am nothing extraordinary. I am just a sinner.. But he still loves me despite it all. How can I not be humbled? And how can I not have a good feeling?

I don't know if ya'all read my last post- but I was feeling really low and insignificant- it was like I didn't matter. I knew it at the time that those feelings and thoughts are all lies- but I felt that and believed them anyway. Sad but true.

But anyhow.. God has really shown me lately just how much he loves me and how I am NOT insignificant to him. It's amazing really. I am matter to the King of Kings!

.....Onto the prayers.....

One of the prayers I prayed was to make a difference and show hurting people God's love. He has brought people into my life and allowed me to minister to them and show them his love. Again, I am humbled.

Next I went through a really difficult time not to long ago and just really needed some people to surround me and support me- but I felt like I didn't have anyone. He placed people in my life that have really uplifted, encouraged and held me accountable.

Finally- He answered a prayer I had that required me to dream big. This is one of those prayers that is personal- I am not gonna share it right now- timing is not right. But back on subject. He showed me through prayer, my devotions and confirmation from others, that it is ok to dream big. So I did and I asked him for something that required me to dream big and he totally answered!

Because of all this, I am feeling wonderful. I am becoming more secure in who I am not only as a person but more importantly as his child. Again I am in awe of his greatness and love. And because of his greatness I'm feeling good- actually I'm feeling great!

So until next time- rest assured in his love and know that your prayers matter to him because YOU matter to him...

Insignificant...

As you can tell from the title of this post- that is how I am feeling..

Which kinda sucks- especially since the past several weeks have been AMAZING! And by amazing I mean mind blowing awesome! I have grown so much in my faith. I am now so in love with God that I don't know where I end and he begins....

But I know that with every high comes a low... Right now I am experiencing that low.. You ever experience that? It really is a bummer..

I just feel like I am unimportant- even though that isn't true. I know that I have family and friends that love me- but sometimes you just feel alone. And right now I do.

For the first time in a very long time I am dreaming.. I mean I am allowing myself to have dreams that I'm reaching for. One of my dreams is big and seemingly impossible. (I'm not gonna tell you what it is right now.) I don't feel pretty, smart or good enough to fulfill my dream. What is so special about me? With all the competition how can I possibly be noticed as something extraordinary?

I'm not sure it's possible..I mean I know with God all things are possible, but sometimes you (and by you I mean me) doubt. I guess I'm just in one of those doubting moments...

The thing is I want this so badly... Have you ever had that happen to you? You dream and wish for something so badly, then the idea that it won't happen just breaks your heart? I'm there, oh man am I there.

But..I guess that this is where what I see isn't what God sees.. Maybe this is one of the moments where my understanding ends and my faith begins. I need to step out in faith and believe that God will grant me the desires of my heart. He states that he will in Matthew 21:21& 22

"Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

I asked for this dream. I believed in the impossible. I believed in the fact that he is greater than anything else in this world. Why do I now doubt? He tells me not to doubt. If the Messiah said not to doubt- then I better trust him and take him at his word then, huh? I mean this man was beaten, scorned, abused and tortured for my sins.

If anyone has the right to tell me not to doubt it is him, so then why do I? And better yet- how do I stop? I need to remember that alone I am not able. But that with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).

On a close, I'm going to leave you with some lyrics from my favorite band NEEDTOBREATHE:

I'm not able..
I'm not able...
I'm not able.... on my own

How Can I Be Certain?

That question has been going through my head lately.

You see I believe that God has made me a promise. I'm not going to say what I think it is for fear of an insert foot into mouth moment..Please believe me when I say I have had plenty of those.

First off, I made a promise to God. Since then there have been so many things that have happened to me that have made it really difficult to keep that promise. (But I have held firm!) Not only has it been difficult to keep my promise, but I've been fearing that maybe what I thought God said wasn't really what he was saying at all?

-OR-

Maybe these events that have been taking place are just ways that God is asking me to prove my love for him by trusting in him, even when it looks like I am wrong...

Second, before the events started taking place, I didn't doubt. But now at the slightest temptation- I doubt. I guess sometimes, when there is so much at stake, it is easy to run and hide instead of standing firm. What does that say about me?

There are so many ifs that I could list...

And right now I am just not sure...

Maybe the answer to my question is that I can't be certain.I need to stop doubting and start acting like I believe.
I think the answer is that I need to trust God and be certain of whom I am in him- not who I am in myself.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding: in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5 & 6 NIV

Valentine's Day

Ok..I am not a big fan of Valentine's Day.

BUT!

In light of it being Valentine's Day- I am going to share something that I LOVE!



I don't care about the bad rap that they got- I still love this song! (PLUS the guys are super good looking!)

ENJOY!

Until next time- don't forget about the cheesy stuff in life!

Today my brother called me.

Now to understand why this bears writing about, you need to understand a little about my brother. My brother puts on a hard and tough front. Now don't misunderstand me- he is tough. But inside he has a heart that is so true and tender. Tonight he called me because he was hurting and he knew that I would listen to him. That means alot to me.

For years my brother was closed off and didn't like opening up. Getting him to talk about his feelings or what was bothering him was like trying to pull a tooth. Now he is more open with me. In our lives we have had few people whom we really could rely upon. It makes me feel validated and as if I am succeeding in my role as the older sister when he confides in me because he is showing me that he trusts me.

The reason why he was upset is because he saw a mother be abusive to her children. It hurt to hear that and I know it hurt him. I am sorry that he had to see that and I am sorry that it hurt him. I am sorry that those children were being abused. But I am glad that my brother saw it and recognized that it was wrong. He said that he wanted to do something, but knew he couldn't. I was so proud of him when he said that. My brother has always had a quick temper (a trait we share I'm afraid) and I am just so proud of him for keeping it under control.

I think that the fact that my brother feels for others is a good thing. I think that he would be a great social worker because he believes in fighting for those who can't fight for themselves. He is also super protective, so I know that he would try his hardest to protect and do what is best for whatever cases came his way.

I am so proud of him and I am so glad and thankful to God that he gave me a baby brother who is so caring, loving and protective. It does my heart good to realize that my brother is truly one of the "good guys". He will truly be a catch for his future wife.

Until we next time- don't forget to care...

When it looks like love..

I want to share one of my favorite songs with you. It's called Looks Like Love, it was written by the band NEEDTOBREATHE


Take another step
Don't give up on me just yet
We could take a chance
We could find a child's romance
At least we'd love until we can't

I wont run when it looks like love
I won't hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone
I wont run when it looks like love
I can't spend another night alone
Regretting what I've done
So, I won't run

The breeze can only be
When she overcomes the heat
Our hearts can only shake
When there's risk that they could break
That's a chance that I will take

So, I wont run when it looks like love
I won't hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone
I wont run when it looks like love
Cause I can't spend another night alone
Regretting what I've done
So, I won't run

Whoa whoa whoa
Whoa whoa whoa

Raise your head
It's time to say
Those words that I have left unsaid
I've slept through the sunrise
And I turned way every time it got bright

So, I wont run when it looks like love
I won't hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone
And I wont run when it looks like love
Cause I can't spend another night alone
Regretting what I've done
So, I won't run

Whoa whoa whoa
Whoa whoa whoa

Raise your head
It's time to say
Those words that I have left unsaid
I've slept through the sunrise
And I turned way every time it got bright



I love this song. It has kind of become my anthem. For so long I ran from love. That's what happens when your heart has been broken. But I learned that God loves me and can heal all hurts, even a shattered heart. I made a promise to not run anymore. I won't turn away from the sunrise when it gets bright anymore.

Until next time, don't forget to watch the sunrise..

Is there anything sweeter?

I always thought I didn't want children.

My baby cousins have completely changed that for me. One is 4 and the other is 11. I'm not going to divulge their names, they are obviously too young.

I can still remember when my Aunt(different mother from the younger one) was pregnant with the oldest. I was so excited for the baby to be born. We all thought she was going to be a boy. That changed when my grandmother called screaming, "IT'S A GIRL!! IT'S A GIRL!!" It still makes me laugh thinking of grandma jumping and screaming.

Now she is a girl of 11, soon to be 12, as she has started reminding me. I can't believe how much she is and has grown. Everytime I am around her I am astonished by her. How could this little girl who would dance around her mother's living room grow into such a beautiful girl, on the verge of womanhood? It makes me feel old, and I haven't yet hit 25.

She is so smart and she is beautiful. The coolest thing about her? The way she makes me feel as if I am the coolest person on the planet. She recently got a cell phone and texts me constantly. It annoyed me at first, but I now I love receiving those annoying forwards that she insists on sending me and everyone else in her phonebook. In addition to texting me she calls me asking me if I can have a sleep over with her. How awesome is that?

I didn't get to experience my youngest's first year and a half. Now she is around quite frequently. She is so rotten and sweet. To me she looks like a little fairy. Everytime we are together she wants to play some kind of game. Most of the time its me running around wherever we are picking her up yelling "ha ha! I got ya!" Then setting her down amidst her giggles and starting all over again. Or its playing pretend. She has helped me remember how much fun it is to make things up (I never forgot, just out of practice for a little while.)

Both of my cousins get excited when they see me. I will grab them in a big hug and they give me a big hug right back. I love how to them I am so cool. It's funny. I don't really care that much if people think I am cool or not, but seeing the love and admiration in their eyes means more to me than anything. Is this what it's like to have children?

I love them as if they were my own children. Honestly? They both have me wrapped around their fingers- all 20 of them! There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for either of them. I would be there for them at the drop of hat- no questions asked. I didn't think it was possible to love a child this much- especially two that aren't mine. But it is and continually amazes me.


I love my girls. They have showed me that yes taking care of children is hard and demanding (a night with one of them is exhausting, I can't imagine a night alone with both!!) But their unconditional love has given me a small glimpse of the beauty of having a child. I now look forward to having my own someday.

I hope that my girls have the relationship with my children that I have with them. My hope is that they get to experience the crazy and endless love and joy with my children that I experience with them.

If you don't have this in your life I suggest volunteering or becoming a mentor so that you can experience the endless joy that loving a child brings.

Until next time, don't forget to play pretend...

And so it begins...

Hello all..

I don't know why, but I felt the biggest compulsion to start a blog. Not just any blog but one that would be completely honest. I find that honesty is something that is not easy to find now days. We hear all the time about important figure heads who have been dishonest and as a result have been caught in their dishonesty. I would venture to say that everyone has had someone that has been dishonest with them, at least once anyways.

We think that by not telling the truth or the whole truth we are protecting others. But that is so naive. We hurt ourselves and others by being dishonest. I also think that it is a bit disrespectful- but hey that's just me.

But back to the point. I want to be honest. With you. Myself. About God, life, love and the experiences that, to borrow a term from the author Don Miller, make our stories. The purpose of my blog is to achieve these things- I guess they are kind of like undertaking a mission.

If you read this great. If you don't, my ego will take a hit but I will recover. And hey- we all need to take a hit to our egos sometimes, it keeps us grounded and humble. In my personal opinion, you can never be too humble.

I hope that you get something out of this blog. And I hope that I can touch your life in some way.

Until we meet again....