How Can I Be Certain?

That question has been going through my head lately.

You see I believe that God has made me a promise. I'm not going to say what I think it is for fear of an insert foot into mouth moment..Please believe me when I say I have had plenty of those.

First off, I made a promise to God. Since then there have been so many things that have happened to me that have made it really difficult to keep that promise. (But I have held firm!) Not only has it been difficult to keep my promise, but I've been fearing that maybe what I thought God said wasn't really what he was saying at all?

-OR-

Maybe these events that have been taking place are just ways that God is asking me to prove my love for him by trusting in him, even when it looks like I am wrong...

Second, before the events started taking place, I didn't doubt. But now at the slightest temptation- I doubt. I guess sometimes, when there is so much at stake, it is easy to run and hide instead of standing firm. What does that say about me?

There are so many ifs that I could list...

And right now I am just not sure...

Maybe the answer to my question is that I can't be certain.I need to stop doubting and start acting like I believe.
I think the answer is that I need to trust God and be certain of whom I am in him- not who I am in myself.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding: in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5 & 6 NIV

Valentine's Day

Ok..I am not a big fan of Valentine's Day.

BUT!

In light of it being Valentine's Day- I am going to share something that I LOVE!



I don't care about the bad rap that they got- I still love this song! (PLUS the guys are super good looking!)

ENJOY!

Until next time- don't forget about the cheesy stuff in life!

Today my brother called me.

Now to understand why this bears writing about, you need to understand a little about my brother. My brother puts on a hard and tough front. Now don't misunderstand me- he is tough. But inside he has a heart that is so true and tender. Tonight he called me because he was hurting and he knew that I would listen to him. That means alot to me.

For years my brother was closed off and didn't like opening up. Getting him to talk about his feelings or what was bothering him was like trying to pull a tooth. Now he is more open with me. In our lives we have had few people whom we really could rely upon. It makes me feel validated and as if I am succeeding in my role as the older sister when he confides in me because he is showing me that he trusts me.

The reason why he was upset is because he saw a mother be abusive to her children. It hurt to hear that and I know it hurt him. I am sorry that he had to see that and I am sorry that it hurt him. I am sorry that those children were being abused. But I am glad that my brother saw it and recognized that it was wrong. He said that he wanted to do something, but knew he couldn't. I was so proud of him when he said that. My brother has always had a quick temper (a trait we share I'm afraid) and I am just so proud of him for keeping it under control.

I think that the fact that my brother feels for others is a good thing. I think that he would be a great social worker because he believes in fighting for those who can't fight for themselves. He is also super protective, so I know that he would try his hardest to protect and do what is best for whatever cases came his way.

I am so proud of him and I am so glad and thankful to God that he gave me a baby brother who is so caring, loving and protective. It does my heart good to realize that my brother is truly one of the "good guys". He will truly be a catch for his future wife.

Until we next time- don't forget to care...

When it looks like love..

I want to share one of my favorite songs with you. It's called Looks Like Love, it was written by the band NEEDTOBREATHE


Take another step
Don't give up on me just yet
We could take a chance
We could find a child's romance
At least we'd love until we can't

I wont run when it looks like love
I won't hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone
I wont run when it looks like love
I can't spend another night alone
Regretting what I've done
So, I won't run

The breeze can only be
When she overcomes the heat
Our hearts can only shake
When there's risk that they could break
That's a chance that I will take

So, I wont run when it looks like love
I won't hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone
I wont run when it looks like love
Cause I can't spend another night alone
Regretting what I've done
So, I won't run

Whoa whoa whoa
Whoa whoa whoa

Raise your head
It's time to say
Those words that I have left unsaid
I've slept through the sunrise
And I turned way every time it got bright

So, I wont run when it looks like love
I won't hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone
And I wont run when it looks like love
Cause I can't spend another night alone
Regretting what I've done
So, I won't run

Whoa whoa whoa
Whoa whoa whoa

Raise your head
It's time to say
Those words that I have left unsaid
I've slept through the sunrise
And I turned way every time it got bright



I love this song. It has kind of become my anthem. For so long I ran from love. That's what happens when your heart has been broken. But I learned that God loves me and can heal all hurts, even a shattered heart. I made a promise to not run anymore. I won't turn away from the sunrise when it gets bright anymore.

Until next time, don't forget to watch the sunrise..

Is there anything sweeter?

I always thought I didn't want children.

My baby cousins have completely changed that for me. One is 4 and the other is 11. I'm not going to divulge their names, they are obviously too young.

I can still remember when my Aunt(different mother from the younger one) was pregnant with the oldest. I was so excited for the baby to be born. We all thought she was going to be a boy. That changed when my grandmother called screaming, "IT'S A GIRL!! IT'S A GIRL!!" It still makes me laugh thinking of grandma jumping and screaming.

Now she is a girl of 11, soon to be 12, as she has started reminding me. I can't believe how much she is and has grown. Everytime I am around her I am astonished by her. How could this little girl who would dance around her mother's living room grow into such a beautiful girl, on the verge of womanhood? It makes me feel old, and I haven't yet hit 25.

She is so smart and she is beautiful. The coolest thing about her? The way she makes me feel as if I am the coolest person on the planet. She recently got a cell phone and texts me constantly. It annoyed me at first, but I now I love receiving those annoying forwards that she insists on sending me and everyone else in her phonebook. In addition to texting me she calls me asking me if I can have a sleep over with her. How awesome is that?

I didn't get to experience my youngest's first year and a half. Now she is around quite frequently. She is so rotten and sweet. To me she looks like a little fairy. Everytime we are together she wants to play some kind of game. Most of the time its me running around wherever we are picking her up yelling "ha ha! I got ya!" Then setting her down amidst her giggles and starting all over again. Or its playing pretend. She has helped me remember how much fun it is to make things up (I never forgot, just out of practice for a little while.)

Both of my cousins get excited when they see me. I will grab them in a big hug and they give me a big hug right back. I love how to them I am so cool. It's funny. I don't really care that much if people think I am cool or not, but seeing the love and admiration in their eyes means more to me than anything. Is this what it's like to have children?

I love them as if they were my own children. Honestly? They both have me wrapped around their fingers- all 20 of them! There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for either of them. I would be there for them at the drop of hat- no questions asked. I didn't think it was possible to love a child this much- especially two that aren't mine. But it is and continually amazes me.


I love my girls. They have showed me that yes taking care of children is hard and demanding (a night with one of them is exhausting, I can't imagine a night alone with both!!) But their unconditional love has given me a small glimpse of the beauty of having a child. I now look forward to having my own someday.

I hope that my girls have the relationship with my children that I have with them. My hope is that they get to experience the crazy and endless love and joy with my children that I experience with them.

If you don't have this in your life I suggest volunteering or becoming a mentor so that you can experience the endless joy that loving a child brings.

Until next time, don't forget to play pretend...

And so it begins...

Hello all..

I don't know why, but I felt the biggest compulsion to start a blog. Not just any blog but one that would be completely honest. I find that honesty is something that is not easy to find now days. We hear all the time about important figure heads who have been dishonest and as a result have been caught in their dishonesty. I would venture to say that everyone has had someone that has been dishonest with them, at least once anyways.

We think that by not telling the truth or the whole truth we are protecting others. But that is so naive. We hurt ourselves and others by being dishonest. I also think that it is a bit disrespectful- but hey that's just me.

But back to the point. I want to be honest. With you. Myself. About God, life, love and the experiences that, to borrow a term from the author Don Miller, make our stories. The purpose of my blog is to achieve these things- I guess they are kind of like undertaking a mission.

If you read this great. If you don't, my ego will take a hit but I will recover. And hey- we all need to take a hit to our egos sometimes, it keeps us grounded and humble. In my personal opinion, you can never be too humble.

I hope that you get something out of this blog. And I hope that I can touch your life in some way.

Until we meet again....