Insignificant...

As you can tell from the title of this post- that is how I am feeling..

Which kinda sucks- especially since the past several weeks have been AMAZING! And by amazing I mean mind blowing awesome! I have grown so much in my faith. I am now so in love with God that I don't know where I end and he begins....

But I know that with every high comes a low... Right now I am experiencing that low.. You ever experience that? It really is a bummer..

I just feel like I am unimportant- even though that isn't true. I know that I have family and friends that love me- but sometimes you just feel alone. And right now I do.

For the first time in a very long time I am dreaming.. I mean I am allowing myself to have dreams that I'm reaching for. One of my dreams is big and seemingly impossible. (I'm not gonna tell you what it is right now.) I don't feel pretty, smart or good enough to fulfill my dream. What is so special about me? With all the competition how can I possibly be noticed as something extraordinary?

I'm not sure it's possible..I mean I know with God all things are possible, but sometimes you (and by you I mean me) doubt. I guess I'm just in one of those doubting moments...

The thing is I want this so badly... Have you ever had that happen to you? You dream and wish for something so badly, then the idea that it won't happen just breaks your heart? I'm there, oh man am I there.

But..I guess that this is where what I see isn't what God sees.. Maybe this is one of the moments where my understanding ends and my faith begins. I need to step out in faith and believe that God will grant me the desires of my heart. He states that he will in Matthew 21:21& 22

"Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

I asked for this dream. I believed in the impossible. I believed in the fact that he is greater than anything else in this world. Why do I now doubt? He tells me not to doubt. If the Messiah said not to doubt- then I better trust him and take him at his word then, huh? I mean this man was beaten, scorned, abused and tortured for my sins.

If anyone has the right to tell me not to doubt it is him, so then why do I? And better yet- how do I stop? I need to remember that alone I am not able. But that with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).

On a close, I'm going to leave you with some lyrics from my favorite band NEEDTOBREATHE:

I'm not able..
I'm not able...
I'm not able.... on my own